It's hard to be a parent

I've been having a bit of a rough time lately transitioning from 2 kids to 3. Especially now that Philly is back at work. After a full week of being on my own with 3 kids I must say I'm exhausted mentally and physically. Now I know there are a lot of moms out there who have been through the ringer with 3 or more kids, but it feels like it has been especially difficult so far on me. So to all you moms, way to go, you rock and are awesome, I admire those who survive intact. I'm going to attempt to vent and lay out there how I feel. Hopefully this wont be too polarizing for some people. I just need to get this off my chest and this is my only real outlet.
I'll start by painting a picture. I try to do my best to give everyone equal attention. Logan and Nyah are used to being on the go and doing lots of things. We go to the gymnastics center, the Colorado Railroad Museum, the Denver Zoo, etc.. So in an attempt to keep a bit of normalcy in their lives and to give them what they need, I attempted the Railroad museum with 3 kids in my first week. Our new daughter Zoe likes to sleep and really needs her naps. However, she sleeps a lot so sometimes she must be carried in either the Ergo or the baby Bjorn. On this particular day the sun was shining and I chose the ergo since it has the hood to cover her head. Zoe has been a bit different than both Logan and Nyah as well, in that she gets cold much easier than the other two. So things started out somewhat okay, the kids ran to their usual spot on Wednesdays which is the garden train exhibit outside. Then Zoe decided she didn't want to stay asleep or to have her binki (pacifier for some). She started to get fussy, really fussy. Now some people might see this as a normal thing, especially for an infant. Infants get fussy from time to time and it usually means one of 4 things they are trying to communicate. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I pooped or I need to poop. Zoe is really pretty easy as far as all that goes and I feel like I understand her cries fairly well. So moving on, Zoe is fussy, she wont take her binki. She just had a bottle before we left the house and she had already had her regular poop, so this pretty much leaves sleep. In order to console her, I pulled her out of the Ergo and held her normally. Zoe kept fussing and increased a little bit. All the while there were a few older ladies watching this whole thing unfold. Logan and Nyah were chasing the trains around the track like normal and I could see them the whole time. For reference, we usually go the the Railroad museum at least once a week. We know most of the employees on a first name basis and they know us. So these older ladies decided to be very obvious with their glare. At one point I happened to be within ear shot and one of them decided to offer some kindly advice to this obviously struggling dad who has no idea what he's doing. "You know honey, that baby is probably mad because she's too hot in those long sleeve and that fancy contraption you're wearing." Seems innocent and simple enough I'm sure. But there in resides the problem for me. I'm by no means a rookie at the stay at home dad thing and I am very confident in my abilities with 2 kids out in the world. However, here I am struggling to keep it together while trying to give my kiddos what they all need and dealing with a screaming child at this point. So this had a big impact on me. I felt shattered and inferior. Any confidence I had, any shred of knowing that I can handle 3 kids was gone. I somehow held it together and didn't burst into the tears that I could feel welling up. If I did that I'm sure it would have been a total sign of weakness and I would have seemed even less competent. I am by no means saying that I'm perfect, but I try really hard every single moment of every day to do the best job I can. This simple offering of advice, set me back to when I was first a stay at home dad with Logan over 4 years ago. When I first took him to the public library for story time and I was the only dad at story time. It took weeks before I realized I was a bit of an odd sight. These ladies, with their simple motherly advice, crushed this dad in a matter of seconds. Why?!? Why did it matter that some stranger thought I needed advice or that I couldn't handle my own children. I know I'm not alone in this and that many other parents, both men and women, have experienced this same thing. Being judged by a stranger and feeling horrible for it.

I guess the point of this rant is that I thought I had it together. I thought I had a thick skin and could handle anything my kids or anyone could throw at me. Yet this simple comment by a total stranger destabilized my whole being. I felt like I wasn't able to do my job because somehow being a man, I don't know how to handle kids. I realize I'm likely just super sensitive right now, but hey, wouldn't a woman be as well on her first week out with 3 kids? I guess I shouldn't really complain, but I really needed get this out there. In fact I already feel much better just typing this out. Even if I didn't post this for public consumption, I feel better.

Now I'm also not claiming to be perfect by any means. I have been guilty of judging others as well. However, I try to be mindful and realize that I don't know what their situation is or what is going on in their life or their day. It just really sucks when you can feel the judging coming from a complete stranger and especially when they say something.

So please people, even if you think you are being helpful, think before you speak. Please, please, please, make sure your internal filter is turned on. If there is any doubt that maybe your advice or comment could be damaging, keep it to yourself. Otherwise you might just make someone cry or worse.

I did manage to muster up the courage and brave the Children's Museum of Denver with the kids yesterday as well, but that is a tale for another day.

Cheers for now,
Aaron

Family Update 9-10-13

Hello there, a lot sure has been going on since the last one of these updates. Obviously from my last post we've added a new kiddo and a new vehicle to the family. It seems like only yesterday things were getting easier and the kids and I were settling into routine. I guess Philly and I are never content to have things be easy or calm. We like to have things going on. We like to be busy and I suppose we thrive on stress. I'm not sure why. I guess it is a way to ensure we never get lazy or complacent. So here we are with a big boy of 4 and a half, a fireball of a daughter of 2 and 4 months and a bundle of cuddle who is almost 2 months old. I never thought I would be the proud and tired father of 3 amazing kids, but here I am. Logan has really grown up the past 7 months and has become quite the Lego master. It's been really nice to have afternoon building sessions with him on the odd occasion that Nyah will still take a nap. He has also done really well on his bike this year. We went to the Frisco bike park in the mountains and he did great for the first time with no training wheels. He is now so big, we had to get him a 16" wheel bike with a hand brake. It is so great to see someone else fall in love with biking. The boy absolutely loves mud and digging in the dirt. I know all boys do, but Logan seems to take it to the next level, smearing it all over himself and running around the back yard. He's like a wild animal some days and it is awesome. We've talked to him about school on occasion and he's given us the same great answer "I'm not quite big enough, maybe when I'm 5 and a half, I'll be ready". I certainly won't rush the boy, I know he'll do great when he does go, but I know I'll miss him like crazy when he is ready. He and I certainly have our moments of disagreement, but I think it's just because we are so similar. Even when we have a hard day, I still love him like crazy and I know I'll cry when he officially starts school next year.

Nyah has really grown over the last few months as well. She has continued to be such a fireball and her personality has only gotten stronger. She is so confident and strong willed, its both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand she can do so many things on her own and seems to learn things very quickly. On the other hand she makes one heck of a mess and gets more bumps and bruises than if she would just let Philly or I help. "NO, I do it my own", seems to be her favorite phrase. I feel like I'm raising a little Philly. That's not a bad thing, it actually helps me understand both Nyah and Philly just a little bit more. Don't get me wrong, I'll never get either one of them figured out. No matter how hard I try, I'll still never understand the mind of a woman. I just get little clues here and there about why they might do certain things that I don't understand. Nyah has also been doing amazing on her balance bike. The girl has no fear or concept of limitations. It's good and bad, but she has some amazing skills. She now has her own pedal bike with training wheels and figured out how to pedal and use the brake on the first day. I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before she and Logan try to have races on the way to our neighborhood park. They already have on balance bikes, but with pedals I'll be sprinting to keep up. The sibling rivalry has been brutal at times and they battle pretty hard. I will say this girl is super strong and gives Logan a run for his money. I know it will likely never end, but we do our best to keep things civil. I think when Logan starts school next year she will enjoy the freedom of having toys and space to herself. I know she'll miss her big brother at that point, but at least she will have her new little sister to play with. I'm so happy for her that she will have a sister so close in age. It already seems like they were born in the right order, Nyah is already a great big sister and cares so much. She gives the best hugs and kisses and loves her little sister very much. I'm sure when they are teenagers, that might change a little.

Zoe is our new little bundle of awesome. She gave us a little scare in the beginning by not wanting to nurse and sometimes she won't take a bottle. But when she's hungry the girl will eat. I think it has just been very interesting to see how very different all 3 kids are. Logan was our attachment baby, I carried him for the first 2 years of his life. Nyah was little miss independent from the beginning and couldn't be contained, actually she still can't be contained. Zoe is a mix of the two, she loves to be held at times, yet she has her moments of just being content to lay there and look at us all. I'm sure she is wondering what she got herself into, "who are these crazy people?" I know it is partially because we've already had two other kids, but Zoe has been the easiest baby in some ways. She is the first of our kids that actually calms down when you put her in the car seat. She also doesn't even want a pacifier or "binki" as we call them. That is fine with us since Nyah has been very reluctant to give hers up yet. Her smile can brighten any day.

I'm doing my best to enjoy the time we have together right now and not worry about what daily life will be like once Philly goes back to work full time. I guess I'm just scared and a little worried how I'll do with 3 kids. I know I'll be fine, I just have mini panic sessions here and there. I know there are many women out there who do this all the time, my mother being one of them. I think all stay at home parents go through moments of doubt and fear, some express it, some suppress it and others just sit down and cry. At the moment I'm not going to admit to crying, but talk to me in 3 weeks and we'll see how I'm holding up.
Cheers for now,
Aaron

Frist Impressions: 2014 Honda Odyssey EX-L

As promised there is my intro to the new Honda Odyssey. We picked the van up on Friday night at about 6:00 and promptly took it home to start prepping for a road trip.  The roof box and Bike rack were added within the first few minutes and the endless search for the proper car seat locations began. What better way to get an impression of a new vehicle than to start out fully loaded on a family vacation. We decided to load up our 3 kids, my mother in law Ellie, 3 adult bikes and 4 kid bikes. Not to mention all the usual stuff that is needed to care for the occupants of the vehicle. Needless to say the van was maxed out saturday morning when it was time to roll out.

Okay lets be honest here it was saturday afternoon by the time we were actually packed and leaving our driveway. I don't want anyone to get the impression that we are some super family that can actually be loaded up and headed out on schedule. We left almost 3 and a half hours later than our goal. The destination was just a short jaunt up I-70 over the mountains to Grand Junction. This location offers some of the best biking in the state in my opinion. Only problem is when we rolled into town about 5:30 it was still 99 degrees out, not really ideal for lots of riding. The good news is the inside of the van was perfectly comfortable thanks to the air conditioning.

So here I sit on Monday looking out at the cold rainy morning thinking how lucky my wife and I are to have ridden some trails last night. The weather is a big part of the fun of living in Colorado. 99 deg one day and in the 60's and raining within 48 hours.

The new Odyssey now has just over 300 miles on the clock as of this morning. I have to say, it has been an eye opening first trip. I was amazed at how well, with 3 car seats installed it was able to swallow up all our bags and "stuff". Granted the poor suspension was sagged a bit and had me a little worried, but it made the trip just fine. For those of you who have either visited Colorado or live here you know about Eisenhower tunnel and the "race track" that is I-70. The Odyssey was impressive to say the least in its ability to go over the mountains fully loaded, with the AC on. We were able to maintain a good speed without the engine revving high or the transmission searching for gears. Apparently the V-6 and 6 speed auto are well matched, good job Honda.

Despite the heat we have been having, we never needed to really crank the AC, just a low setting seemed to be perfect. I run really hot personally so this was a nice revelation to say the least. Everyone seemed to have plenty of space and we realized how nice it was to have such a large windshield. We've driven in the mountains a lot over the years and we have had a number of vehicles. The Odyssey is the first one to actually impress with the amount of mountains and sky you can actually view while driving. It's not distracting at all, just very nice to be able to see when you have a chance. The gas mileage was a nice discovery as we would normally have needed to stop and fill up our old SUV upon getting here. Not this trip, in fact we did a few day trips on Sunday and still could have held off filling up until tomorrow. My wife and I have decided this van has been really well thought out and refined in terms of how a family uses a vehicle. Everything seems to be in just the right place, from buttons to storage, things just work. I'm certainly not saying its perfect, but it does come close.

The seating flexibility and configurations are a very nice feature as well. When we come to Grand Junction we are lucky enough to stay with family. So Sunday we loaded them up in the van as well and headed to the farmers market in Palisade along with a few other stops. The ability to carry 3 kids in car seats and 5 adults comfortably is wonderful. The power doors and rear lift gate have been a luxury. To be honest almost everything on this van seems like a luxury. Coming from a 13 year old car everything feels fresh and amazing, from the steering wheels controls to the backup camera.

When Philly and I were able to sneak away for a quick mountain bike ride we were able to test the audio capabilities a bit more in depth and I have to say we were impressed. I'm sure the sight of two old kids rocking out in a minivan was probably hilarious for the locals. The van really does handle like a car when its not loaded down with half our house inside. The steering is precise and the engine has more than enough power to get you in trouble. 

So it may sound like everything is perfect and as it should be, but there are a few little things that could be better.

Really my biggest issue is that of the suspension not handling a large load very well. It handles okay, but you could feel the weight and a little extra sway. Granted I know we had the van almost to capacity on the way here. I think we may need to add some airbags to the rear springs, otherwise the tires will take a lot of extra wear on the inside corners. I know the bike rack is probably the culprit of the sagging suspension, but we are a biking family. So the van is not a truck, but it has done amazingly well and I have to say it gets praise form all members of the family so far.

I plan on doing a more in depth review and writing updates as things come up or opinions change in the future. After all we have only put about 300 miles on the van and I fully expect to have at least 20k miles on the clock by this time next year.

So for now "Ody" and I will say goodbye for this morning, I'm sure we'll be writing more about our adventures soon.

Cheers for now!

Aaron

3 Kids and a Minivan

Goodness how time does fly. It has been far too long since my last post and so much has changed since then. We now have our third child, a wonderful bundle of joy and calm named Zoe Mae Winterowd. My job is about to get really interesting once Philly goes back to work. I know there are a lot of people out there with 3 or more kids, and I applaud you and your ability to maintain your sanity. I'm sure I will be just fine, but I'm allowed to panic, right?!?
This brings me to an interesting place, the switch from 2 kids to 3 kids is a game changer. As many of my football loving friends have joked, "Oh wow, you're switching from man to man coverage to zone defense, good luck with that". Well, it definitely is different having more kids than hands. I know it will be more challenging in the coming months when I'm out on the town with 3 kids by myself. This is about the time we realized another change in the dynamic of having a 3rd child. The car seat dynamic. Now a few years back I wrote about 6 kids and a minivan. I also wrote about my "Daddy Wagon", a large Lexus SUV with a 3rd row seat. To refresh your memory, I expressed my disdain for the minivan. I am happy to say I no longer can cling to that narrow minded view. I realized even with the massive vehicle I've been driving, I cannot fit 3 convertible car seats in the second row, it was time to look for another option.
I don't consider myself a particularly prideful person, who is unwilling to admit my mistakes. An SUV or a crossover is a great option when you have two young children. When you have 3 kids under 5 years old and need to fit their car seats comfortably, they just don't cut it. If you have kids that are more spread in age, I think it would be possible to maintain driving an SUV, but I'm not so sure. Another thing that has prompted this change is the dynamic Logan and Nyah have developed, kicking and hitting while being restrained next to each other. I can remember how my parents dealt with the situation all those years ago. We had a full size van. Each kid was separated into their own row of seats and I had a platform in the back with a mattress on it. These days that would have resulted in my parents being pulled over and given a ticket since I didn't have a seat belt back there. In fact if we had ever been in an accident I would have likely gone straight though the windshield. Alas, times were different back then and vehicle safety wasn't really discussed.
Fast forward to modern day again and realize that today's minivan is not what it once was. They are now a rolling computer with all the modern conveniences and goodies a tech junkie like myself could want. Not to mention the safety features that are packed into even the most basic models in the lineup are impressive. It's amazing how much things can change in just 2 years, let alone the 25 years since my parents had that old van.
So, I'm ready to say I have changed my mind on the minivan thing. In fact, we are picking up our new van later today. We are picking up a new 2014 Honda Odyssey EX-L in smokey topaz with truffle leather. We are then loading it to the gills and heading for a biking trip to Grand Junction with the 3 kids, 7 bikes and Grandma Ellie in the 3rd row. I'll be posting a quick impression soon and then follow it up with a full review shortly after that. I promise to write the follow ups, really.
Now for what I never thought I'd say just two short years ago.

I like Minivans.

There, I said it.

As for the old nightmare of having 6 kids, that has been permanently taken care of. However, that is a story and article for another time.

Cheers for now!






As a side note, It has been far to long since I've written. I pledge to anyone who actually reads this blog that I am coming back with more articles and content. Life can get a little crazy and I think it's now settling back down. I forgot how good of an outlet writing is for me, this is my therapy : )